Book Review: Walking Through Fire: A Memoir of Loss and Redemption by Vaneetha Rendall Risner

I first discovered Vaneetha through desiringgod.org where she has written a number of articles. I was drawn to her writing style, particularly, her honesty, rawness and vulnerability. I read her first book “The Scars that have Shaped me” and when I discovered she had a new release (Walking through Fire) I knew I had to dig in.

In this book, Vaneetha describes how she has experienced deep pain emotionally, relationally, and continues to feel it in her body most acutely. Life for her has been a series of significant losses;

• Polio as a child
•  Multiple miscarriages
• Death of her infant son
• A husband that left the family
• Post-polio syndrome that affects her everyday

Yet this book is upbeat, thoroughly engaging, and a joyful in tone. She has come out through these fires trusting God more than ever before.

Vaneetha knows how and what it means to suffer deeply. Throughout you'll be aware that she is a real woman with real struggles. I particularly appreciated that she was forthright with her struggles as a parent of teenage daughters. She doesn't set herself up as a mentor or teacher or expert, she shares real struggles and failures, raw conversations, and honest questions. She shares her story vulnerably and shows us how we too can meet God in the midst of our pain but choose to rejoice in the story he is sovereignly writing for us. Although she lived a life that was full of trials and suffering, Vaneetha shows us what it means to grieve with hope. In Vaneetha's words, " When we begin to understand God's purpose-begin to glimpse him working for our good-we can experience true joy even inside our sorrow”.

I highly recommend this emotionally gripping, beautiful story. Find it, Read it!

See you soon,

Kaps.

Thank God For Bed Time

There’s a lady I recently followed on Instagram that quite often posts, “Thank God for bed time” before she goes to bed in the evening. At first I didn’t put much thought to it. In my I head I was thinking this is her way of saying good night to her followers. It then dawned on me that we take sleep so lightly. Should we?

Sleeping is an obvious time of rest during the night as we recover our energy to take on the next day. We all need to sleep, and we spend a fair proportion of our lives doing just that (or, for some of us, trying to do just that). But many of us struggle to balance our need for sleep with the other demands and pleasures of our lives.

What’s more, when we read the Bible we discover that God actually cares about our sleep and has something to say about it. The Bible mentions trusting in God as an assurance of such peaceful resting.

God does not expect us to be super-human. He expects us to work hard, and he graciously gives us responsibilities to meet (and a measure of energy to allow us to meet them). But our limitations are not a bug or some design flaw to be overcome with commitment and Red Bull. They are a God-given gift. Remember, God could just as easily have designed us to function without sleep. He could have created us to have fixed energy levels, or with some other ways of being refreshed. But he chose sleep. He chose to knock us out cold for a third of each day. And he didn’t do it to annoy us. He did it to teach us. He did it to teach us that his work, not our work, is decisive. But more than that, he did it because he loves us.

These verses should remind us that sleep is a gift from God;

PSALM 3:5- I lay down and slept; I woke again, for the Lord sustained me

PSALM 4:8- In peace I will both lie down and sleep; for you alone, O LORD, make me dwell in safety.

PSALM 127:2- It is a waste of time to get up early and stay up late, trying to make a living. The Lord provides for those he loves, even while they are sleeping.

We need God’s help every single day. We literally can not do a thing without him. And God is able to give us the help that we need—whether we realize it or not—because he never slumbers or sleeps (Psalm 121: 3-4). God is awake and ready to help whenever we need him. If we are troubled by worries preventing us from sleeping, we can cast our anxieties upon the love and sovereignty of God to ease such concerns.

Every day, God gives us the gift of being able to climb into bed and leave everything in his hands. Sleep is incredibly humbling—and therefore incredibly glorifying to the God who never sleeps (Geoff Robson).

Darling, life is short. You should get some sleep.

Signed,

Kaps 💓

Tribute to Dad

This is probably the hardest thing I've ever been asked to write. Where do I start? God gave us an angel for a daddy. Dad was meticulous in everything he did. He remembered the smallest details (except our birthdays). But we didn't mind. He always found a way to joke about it. Daddy was a funny man. He cracked jokes and his laughter was infectious.  Daddy spoke the truth to whoever. He was not afraid to speak about what he believed. Daddy was proud of us. You could see him beam with pride whenever he introduced us to people.  Daddy didn't spare the rod. Whenever we were wrong he was quick to correct us or even whip us. Immediately after, he would read the bible to explain why he was spanking you. At the time we didn't understand but now that we are older we are thankful.

But most importantly, daddy taught us about God. His life was an excellent example of a godly person. We saw daddy endure pain and never did he complain. With all the needle pricks and medicine he was taking he still found a way to joke about it.

 Daddy you have left us with so many questions but no answers. Who will answer Muleya's numerous questions? As Muleya would say "I'll ask daddy, daddy knows everything.” Who will pick us up, drive us to wherever we want to go? Because with daddy, anything we wanted, daddy would oblige. After all we were his babies.

Daddy you've left a huge gap that only God can fill. We can only imagine the smile on your face when the Lord said welcome good and faithful servant. You are now singing heartily like you always did. We are glad that you are now resting, free from pain. We can confidently say you ran your race and fought the good fight. We will be here for mummy. We will hold her hand and be strong like you taught us. Go well daddy, farewell our friend. We miss you.

                                                               Signed,
                                                                   Daddy' s little princess

                                                                   

Daddy's Girl

If I am to be precise it has been 10 months and 10 days since you gained your wings. I have had to accept that pain demands to be felt. They said it would get better with time, others said time heals all wounds. But not this one, maybe it’s the type of wound or I don’t do well with healing, whatever the case, time has not made anything easier. The wound is as fresh as it was on the 4^th of December. I remember the day vividly. We had spoken the previous day, held hands and waved at each other and I had all the hope a little girl could. But you shattered my heart the following day. Not a day goes by that I don’t miss you.

I miss you when I wake up. When I have missed my alarm because you wouldn’t let me be late for anything.

I miss you when I have to switch on the geyser to heat my water to bath because that was your role.

I miss you when I have to leave the house, unlock the door and step out. Unlock the door? Who? Me? No! Daddy opens doors and walks me out. But not today.

I dread the walk to get on the bus because these days I walk alone. I miss our talks as we waited for the bus.

I miss sharing highlights of my day with you because you were a text or simply a beep away. I’m still deciding on whether to keep your number or not. For now I still have it.

The ride back home is long because I won’t get the text asking how far I am so that we can walk back home together.

I miss you when I am crying through my ride home and my neighbor wants to ask me why. But I fail to stop the tears.

I miss you when my indecision creeps in because you were my voice of reason.

I miss you when I have a hard day or week ahead because you made everything seem easy. Your belief in me kept me going.

Your chair is empty during supper time.

You are not here to lead devotions or sing the loudest.

The study is as intact as you left it.

I sleep and when I wake up the cycle continues.....

Everything is so different. Everything has had to change. We are grateful for the memories we shared, both the laughter and the pain. There was a lesson in everything. We will hold on to everything but most importantly the faith you taught us. It gives us hope that we will meet again.

                                                                  

                                                                                    Signed,

                                                                           Daddy’s girl

Lord Teach Us To Pray

About two weeks ago a bus ferrying football players broke down near our home. As their bus was being fixed some of the footballers took walks around the neighborhood whilst others just sat and chatted with each other. Soon enough I noticed two of them kneeling on our verandah with their hands raised. I was taken aback as I was home alone and thinking of all the possible bad things that could happen to me with these two gentlemen kneeling on our verandah (I think I’ve watched too many crime series). 

I summoned all the courage I could and went to have a chat with them. After a little chat I discovered they were Muslim and that it was time for them to pray and they opted to make use of our verandah. What struck me was their “commitment” to prayer. They even went on to tell me how they carry their mat so that they can use it anywhere they are.

That made me think of my prayer life. How often do I just mumble a few words before I leave my bed and before long I am off with my everyday routine. Let’s not even talk about my devotions and bible reading. Unlike the two Muslims who have to carry a mat and face a certain direction to pray, we have the privilege to pray and talk to God anywhere and at any time.

Granted, prayer and bible reading will not come easy while we are on this side of heaven. Sometimes we will have to make a conscious decision to read God’s word and pray. Vaneetha Risner, author of The Scars That have Shaped Me puts it this way;

 Read the Bible even when it feels like eating cardboard. And pray even when it feels like talking to a wall. When I say read, I don’t mean just reading words for a specific amount of time. I mean meditating on them. Writing down what God is saying to me. Asking God to reveal himself to me. Believing God uses Scripture to teach and to comfort me. To teach me wonderful things in his law. To comfort me with his promises. Reading this way changes cardboard into manna. And when I say pray, I don’t mean a rote recitation of requests and mindless words. I mean really praying. Speaking to God honestly. Praying through a psalm. Desperately crying out to him. Asking him for specific help. Expecting him to answer.

May God forgive us for the times we have not prayed as we ought. That we will remember and choose every day, to stay in God’s word.

                                                             

                                                                          Plenty love,

                                                                                Kaps.